I notice myself having some particularly violent thoughts yesterday. One was while walking from work to Park Street. Some guy was sitting on a bench with a little poodle-type dog with a little purple ribbon in its hair. I had the thought of me saying some kind of nasty remark about the ribbon, and then picking up the dog and throwing it on the ground, or breaking its neck, because I thought I could probably do it before he could react to it. Now, I want to make clear that I never actually intended to do that, and I never would do anything like that. Still, it was slightly disturbing to have had that thought. I'd had some kind of violent thought earlier in the day, but I forget now what it was.
I wonder if it's the stress of starting up work again, not having any free time. Or maybe reading these violent books (Robin Hobb) is having some kind of effect? No clue.
|Date:||September 5th, 2002 02:11 pm (UTC)|| |
Everything is ok
It’s prolly all the crack that you've been doing. Either that or its evil spirits.
Seriously though, I don't think random violent thoughts are unusual; I've read several articles about people experiencing what you describe (sudden violent thoughts that seem to come from no where) as well as articles about people who have equally strong thoughts but that are sexual in nature - bizarrely sexual. The fact of the matter is that most people seem to have these kinds of things pop into their minds; as long as such things aren't interfering with your day to day ability to deal, this is normal stuff that people have been experiencing for as long as there have been people (it used to be that we'd say that the devil was whispering in your ear, or that an evil spirit was trying to temp you, etc, etc). The reality appears to be that our minds explore lots of options as we approach any situation, and most of this quietly occurs in our subconscious. The control part of our brain filters out the options that aren't acceptable or realistic or both. However, once in a while, weird, bad ones "float up" into our conscious perceptions. It’s sorta like having a mini-dream. The self-control areas of the brain turn off while we sleep, which is why dreams are filled with all sorts to impossibilities and strangeness. Now, some folks who suffer from various mental illnesses have weakened self-control abilities in their brains - this causes them to both be more conscious of stuff that wouldn't normally pass as rational though, and causes them to have difficulty discerning what is rational and what is irrational. Given that, such folks will act out on these thoughts; sometimes they will attribute these behaviors as being influence by "the voices", God, the Devil, or some other exterior source. In such cases, it appears that the self control areas are functioning enough to make them aware that something is wrong with these thoughts, but not functioning enough to filter out such thoughts, or make them seem totally irrational.
In any case, I don't think you have anything to worry about. It sounds normal based on the stuff that I've read.