Queue (queue) wrote,

Marriage and Divorce

What does marriage mean in a polyamorous context? What does divorce mean?

Traditionally, marriage means you've found the one person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Traditionally, divorce means that you've realized that you don't want to spend the rest of your life with that person.

In a polyamorous context, however, people can get into extremely long-term relationships, without the thought of marriage, since one or both of them is already married, or because they have other partners and don't want to marry just one, or for any number of other reasons.

Now, in my particular situation, I was married first and discovered polyamory later. Would I have gotten married if I had been polyamorous first? Quite possibly not. However, what would getting a divorce mean at this stage? It could mean several things. It could mean a dissolving of the legal formality and a continuation of what had been before. It could mean a change in the relationship. It could mean an end of the relationship.

Even if it were intended to be simply a dissolving of the legal formality, what would be the emotional fallout of that? It's actually something I've been thinking about for a little while. I was inspired to write this since I found out that a married, polyamorous friend of mine is getting a divorce. It sounds like things are still a little fuzzy right now, but it definitely appears to be more than just a dissolving of the legalities.

I see no reason for me to get divorced right now, but I guess I also don't see much reason to be married (other than health insurance benefits for when one of us isn't working, which has been useful in both directions in the past). I guess the lazy path will win out, but it's interesting to speculate about. I'm sure I'll have more to say about this later. I really should finish up this lesson, which is almost done.
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