I feel like I keep saying the same things. I'm not motivated to do this work. I wonder if it's the actual work or just the fact that I feel like I need a change. If I end up in a work situation that I'm completely happy with, will I eventually get tired of that, too, and need a change? If I make enough changes in other parts of my life, will that make me need the work change less?
It seems that things always take longer than they should here, yet somehow we keep making books. I'm supposed to be getting one chapter out, but a previous chapter is popping up and demanding my attention, and then I feel like it's somehow my fault that I'm behind on the other chapter. Some days I feel a lot more competent than the people around me, and some days I wonder if I'm too much of a perfectionist for this job, maybe for any job. Will I always be unsatisfied with production schedules? Or would I be better off producing something daily, so I don't feel like there's time to make sure things are absolutely perfect? I don't know. I really do need to try finding some freelance work, stuff I can do at my own pace when I want to. I just need to get off my ass and figure out what I need to do to get me there. Unfortunately, I think one of the things is staying with a job long enough to have it look decent on my resume.