This coming April, he'll have been dead for 10 years. More than a third of my life, pretty much all of my adult life. I still yearn to know my brother as an adult. When I think about it, I still get angry that more wasn't done to save him, both at the doctors and at my parents. And I guess I still have anger at my parents for not dealing well with the whole rest of the situation, especially in how to make sure my sister and I were taken care of when my brother took up so much of their attention. And I guess I'm still angry at myself for every time I was mean to him, especially for those times when he was good to me in return.
I guess it wouldn't be January 22nd if I didn't cry a little bit. Or April 16th.
I guess I still have some issues to process. Not sure what the best way to do that is. Maybe things will have settled down a bit by April and I can deal with it then. Hah. Things never settle down, I'm always busy, and I don't like facing these things.
I miss you, Kyle. Thanks for being a good older brother to me.