Thought some more about my story. Was feeling a bit apathetic about it this morning, like I didn't want to do anything more with it, which is how I usually feel about stories. What excites me is the generation of a neat idea. Then, once it's no longer new and shiny, I lose interest. I think I'm going to stick with this one, though. And I'm just going to accept that it's going to change a lot from what I initially thought it will be, but it'll be its own thing, and that will be good. I think I'll start writing tonight. I have nothing going on all weekend, so maybe I should just force myself to write all weekend, except for my shopping expedition Sunday morning.
You know, I like the idea of buying things for people, but I don't really like the obligatory nature of it, and I . . . I dunno. I still do it, because I do feel obligated. And mostly I don't mind. But I do sometimes wish that the giving of a gift did not make the recipient feel obliged to give a gift in return. I don't want to feel obliged to give someone a gift just because they gave me one, and I don't want someone to feel obliged to give me a gift just because I gave them one. And I especially don't want to feel obliged to get someone a gift because I think they might get me one, so I'd better have a gift in case they do, but then of course giving them one might trigger a sense of obligation in them that they wouldn't have otherwise felt. And stuff. And, you know, really, I don't need more stuff. Yeah, having new stuff is nice, but I can get by with all of the stuff I currently have, and I could probably get by with a lot less stuff. Stuff stuff sutff. Words words words. I should write something. I wish my job were to proofread and copyedit, and that's all. And I wish I could work as much or as little as I felt like. I need a patron to suport me so that I can do as much volunteer copyediting as I want. And blah blah blah. I don't really feel as down as this might sound. I just need to get a little more focus in my life.