Queue (queue) wrote,

Caught off guard

I got caught off guard by my depression yesterday. I'm normally fine, but I have these occasional periods where I'm low for a few days, and then I'm fine again. It's not clinical depression, but there's some name for this condition, which I may or may not have, since I haven't really seen anyone about it. Anyway, I'd been doing pretty well recently with being able to identify these times before I have a strong reaction, and I've been able to let important people know that I'm in an off mood. This time, though, I guess I just wasn't paying enough attention.

It's hard to separate causes and effects. I can say that my job has been bumming me out and house stuff has been worrisome, but that stuff has been true for a while, and it doesn't always affect my mood like this. More likely is that this stuff affected me more yesterday (and a bit still today, I think) because of my mood. When I get like this, I just don't feel like doing anything. I think I managed to not be completely rude on my date last night, but I don't think I was entirely successful. I found out yesterday that I'm revising this stupid chapter in Word again, when it was supposed to have been already poured into Quark so that I would only have to mess with it with pencil on a page proof, and I just feel so unmotivated to do it. If it were just corrections, that would be fine. But it's also completely reworking one lesson, and some reworking of some other lessons. There are going to be so many changes to this stupid chapter. I also am feeling unmotivated to get other stuff done that I need to, like getting a lawyer for the house stuff, getting my resume and cover letter finished up and sent off to Tor (for freelance proofreading stuff), doing web and database stuff for New Genre (although I don't feel quite so bad about that, since, with the editing sessions like the one today, I'm already giving them more than the 5 hours per week that I said I'd do). And I think adding to everything is the feeling that I'm not getting enough time to just be at home, so the time that I am at home, I spend unproductively, just unwinding. And my printer wasn't working when I got in to work this morning, but I got a quick response from the helpdesk and fixed that, so that's actually made me feel a bit better.

Hopefully editing this afternoon/evening will improve my mood. And it would be really nice if I could get done early enough to get in a game or two at a local game night that I'm otherwise going to miss tonight.

Well, hrafn got an inspector and lined up an inspection for 2 on Friday. I guess that's the latest they'll do it because fo light, and it takes 2 hours, so we'll both be there for that. This means I'll have to get out at 1, which is fine, since that's when magid usually leaves on Fridays, and I'm going to be giving her a ride, since she still can't drive. That just means I'll have to make up some time tomorrow, which works, since magid won't be at work because of a doctor visit.

I really should get back to work. I need to get a version of this one lesson that's changing a lot to my supervisor and to Boss Lady so that they can comment on it. And since this is my only priority right now, and they're waiting on it, I can't really goof off any more. I really should get it done witin the next hour, I think.

And I need to figure out some time ot call the lawyer. I just don't know what to say or how to ask for what we need, and I really don't feel like dealing with people right now. Hopefully he'll be an expert and a good communicator and know what to do and I will just have to answer his questions, which is all I feel like doing right now. So, first the lesson, then the lawyer.

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