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February 9th, 2002
07:17 am

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Reflections on a Random Journal
So, this morning I find sydelle. She's local, living in Carver, Mass, which looking on MapQuest tells me is 10 miles (I almost wrote "10 mi" like I would at work) southwest of Plymouth. She just turned 21 on January 12, and her last entry was from January 30. She talks about going out to a club with friends, drinking and dancing. She flirted with the bouncer and gave him her phone number. She ended up talking to him on the phone from 0330 until 0800, and he said he'd let her friend, who is not 21, into the club next time. She mentions her cuteness several times in here.

I have a friend something like this person, at least superficially. My friend is very cute, and certainly knows how to use that cuteness to her advantage. And my friend also writes poetry, like sydelle, but my friend's poetry is very dark, and my friend is very dark internally. I haven't read sydelle's journal except for the first entry, so for all I know this could be an abberant happy entry, but I doubt it.

Anyway, I'm thinking about my friend because I've been corresponding with her a bit lately. She is off in London for the quarter, doing her IQP or some acronym like that. We've exchanged a couple of lengthy emails in the past week. She's in ROTC, and she's really decided that she can't stand it, that she needs to get out. Unfortunately, as she has a scholarship, she is contractually obligated to join the Air Force, so she will need to break that contract somehow. There are various medical ways and other, more dangerous ways. I hope she is smart about it. The last thing she sent me is that she wants to be an exotic dancer. I'm not sure If she's serious about that, but it certainly fits. She loves getting attention from men, because she's so insecure, and the male figures early in her life either abandoned or abused her.

I feel this about to get really long, me talking about how people in need bring out the caretaker in me, and how it's often very difficult for me to say no to someone in need. I am extremely attracted to people that it looks like I can help. But, I don't have time. I really could sit here and type for the next hour about this, but I need to go. Breakfast at Sound Bites and then spending the day in Harvard Square with my mom, sister, and wife. Another small reflection, and then I really will go. I'll be spending the day with three women, but not with two other women who have become more important to me than my blood family. That's a whole other issue. Wow, I guess I'm feeling a bit reflective today, or maybe this just sparked a lot of things. Either way, I need to go.

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