September 26th, 2005

moon

Dreams

I had two dreams involving hrafn last night. She features in my dreams not infrequently, but this makes two nights in a row with dreams about her. Why the increase? The second dream last night made it clear.

In the first dream, I had to kill hrafn, and I think it was because she was going to kill me. The method I ended up using as a belt tightened about her neck, and she suffocated with excruciating slowness. Not a very happy dream.

In the second dream, I was moving out (aha!), and I had for some reason just gotten a bird. It was supposedly an African grey, but it was Claude-sized. I discovered that it liked to sit in a water dish and have me pour cool water over it. It would shiver a little, and then it would purr. hrafn came over, and I showed this to her. Earlier in the dream, the bird curled up completely in its water dish, and I thought for a moment that it had died, but it came back up after I poured water on it. I don't remember if this was in the dream or in the post-dream analysis, but thinking the bird was dead brought back vividly the memory of Taylor, the bird that we had for a bit (taken in from hrafn's family, who had taken it in from someone else) that died while hrafn was away so that I had to take its stiff little body in its food dish to the vet to be disposed of. That was a pretty traumatic experience for me.

Anyway, moving. Saturday is when I heard for sure that I would be getting the apartment, so that's when it finally really became real that I was leaving the house, the house that hrafn and I bought together. This is going to be my first time moving without her since I moved away from home for college about 12 years ago. So of course I'm going to have stressful dreams involving her. (And proofreading this, I am struck with the notion that the incident with Taylor was a time I had to deal with something unpleasant without hrafn there. And moving to a place without her is really bringing home the fact that she's not going to be there to help me deal with things.) Maybe the dreams will stop now that I've recognized this.