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I'm an idiot - Queue — LiveJournal
January 19th, 2003
09:14 pm

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I'm an idiot
Ever since I've gotten my DVD player, I've been plugging it into the TV when I wanted to watch it and plugging the antenna into it when I wanted to watch TV. I was doing such a switch the other day, when someone asked me if most people had to switch like that. I said that most people probably had some kind of switching box or something. Anyway, today, when I'm switching from the DVD to the antenna, I'm thinking about what this person said, and I decide to look on the little converter box for the DVD player, and, sure enough, there's a place for me to plug the antenna in.

Really, I'm such an idiot.

And Arisia was okay until the end. I did something like 10 hours of game demos for Looney Labs games on Saturday. I got some people playing games who had never played any Looney games before, and I think I even got a new person for MLGN. We'll see next month, I guess. Then things got fucked up Saturday night, with the end result being me not staying over Saturday night like I had planned, and so not coming back on Sunday. Caught the last Orange Line train home, walked from Malden Center. I saw a time-and-temperature sign that said 12 degrees. Luckily, it's only a half-hour walk. Got home around 2, went to bed at 3. Got a call at 2:30; apparently I had left my copy of Playing with Pyramids there. And, as I found out this evening, I left the AOL tins that I painted there. Bah. Someone probably threw them out, since they still smelled like paint, which is why I didn't give them out, which is why I left them sitting under one of the tables there.

My was to do whatever today, and then get up and be productive tomorrow. So, I watched a movie and played a few games today. I even managed to put away all of the stuff I brought to Arisia, so my room is in the same state it was Friday, which is a good thing. Still, I'm in a crappy mood, probably due in large part to my being tired. It's probably also due in some part to my being single, which I think I'm having a harder time adjusting to than I had originally thought I would. And it doesn't help that the response to my storytelling night has been underwhelming. I mean, yeah, I'm sure I'll still have a good time. I just wish more people would have been able to make it. And Wednesday is my brother's birthday. He would have been 28. Let's see, what else do I have to gripe about? Oh yeah, my freelance writing instructor said that, since I like editing better than writing (which I said in my introductory email), I'd probably be better off keeping my day job and focusing on freelance editing, with maybe a little freelance writing. Everyone else in the class, she seems happy to help them write. I kind of felt like I was just sort of tossed aside. Not literally, of course, since I did sign up for the class. But, still, I can't help feeling that I won't get as much out of this as other people. And maybe that's fine. Maybe that's the way it would have to work, since I really am more of an editor than a writer. But it just didn't feel good to have my first impression of the class be a demotivational one. And then there's the question of how I'm going to pay my mortgage. Really, getting a roommate would be the easiest thing. But I can't really do anything about that until the current other occupant moves out, and I have no idea when that's happening. I'm also just not thrilled about the idea of living with anyone else, particularly someone I don't know. And the only good freelance lead I've found so far requires me to mail my resume hard copy (they said email, mail, or fax, but they didn't give an email address), and the stupid printer is out of black ink, and I really don't want to print it out at work. I suppose it might make me feel a little more productive tomorrow if I get off my ass and go pick up a new cartridge, assuming the stores are open. So, there's the question of what to do tomorrow. I could do some programming, which is what I was originally planning on doing. But, really, how productive is that? It's not leading me towards making any money. Realistically, no one is ever going to pay me to write programs. And no one is ever going to pay me to write articles about writing programs. So, programming ceases to be productive. Can I do anything that doesn't lead to me making enough money to live and still call it productive? Maybe I should just sell the house and find some place else to live. I could live for a lot cheaper. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Why the hell do I write in this thing? The only thing this is accomplishing is trying to get some pity from people. Look at me, pity me, my life is so horrible. Pointless. I should just go to bed, but I'm not tired, and I really should do something to make me feel better about myself. It's just amazing how much of my ego was tied up with not being single. Jesus, I'm turing into Julia. That must mean it really is time to log off. (No offense Julia, really. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm gaining a new perspective on things you've said. Hey, look at me, I'm an idiot who hardly ever realizes that he can be wrong.)

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[User Picture]
From:treacle_well
Date:January 19th, 2003 07:32 pm (UTC)
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No pity. Some sympathy. And hugs, always, if you want them.

Hope you have a good Monday.
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From:queue
Date:January 20th, 2003 05:32 am (UTC)
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Thanks. I'm feeling a bit better this morning. We'll see what I manage to get done today.
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From:surrealestate
Date:January 19th, 2003 07:37 pm (UTC)
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I hear you on a lot of this, but you probably knew that. For me, Arisia was basically a weekend away from real life, and I had an excellent time there. No pity party unless you want one, though.

I'm kind of curious as to why you think nobody would pay you to write programs, though. I don't see why not.
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From:queue
Date:January 20th, 2003 05:35 am (UTC)
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I guess I just think that I've been out of the programming world for so long, and there are so many more qualified people who are looking for those kinds of jobs. I also think that I lack the kind of experience most jobs are looking for for that kind of thing, like experience mucking around with networks or sys admin stuff. And the whole no-way-to-get-experience-without-having-experience thing. I suppose I will just keep plugging away at it, though, and keep trying to write articles. What I should really do, I guess, is get all of the Jotto stuff together and release that.
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From:teddywolf
Date:January 20th, 2003 08:09 am (UTC)
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A couple of things to remember about getting hired:
Sometimes it's not so much the experience level as how well you can blend into the current team. Experience does count, but would you rather have a genius who pisses off part of the team or an average member who works well with people?
It's also about how you sell yourself on your resume. Programmers don't need to be sysadmins if they're just writing code. Really. But if you really need sysadmin experience you could set up your own private online BBS/MUSH/what-have-you for a while. It counts.
The fact that you have articles written and in a case or two published about your coding is a big plus. There's tons of coders, but not as many who can write and make it understood.
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From:zzbottom
Date:January 20th, 2003 03:15 am (UTC)
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FWIW, I am not too sure how well I'd deal with the single life, myself. I'd like to think I'd be ok, but the reality is that I'd probably be looking to get into a relationship as quickly as I could. I've done it before.

If you'd care to talk, you know where I am.
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From:queue
Date:January 20th, 2003 05:36 am (UTC)
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As I've said before, I am no longer surprised by similarities between us.

Thanks.
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From:slinkr
Date:January 20th, 2003 05:20 am (UTC)
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*hugs*

Anyone would be stressed out with all that stuff going on. I hope things get settled soon on the housing front.
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From:queue
Date:January 20th, 2003 05:36 am (UTC)
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Thanks.
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From:hrafn
Date:January 20th, 2003 07:12 am (UTC)

Smack the teacher

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Dude, that's just not right. It might make sense, sure, but to right off the bat say, "Don't quit your day job," and not give some encouragement . . . that doesn't seem like a good way to approach teaching something.
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From:teddywolf
Date:January 20th, 2003 08:12 am (UTC)
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You write here as a chronicle, as a minimum. You might be writing for ego boost/gratification - a lot of people do.

It's never easy being single if you're used to relationships. This I can say with great experience and sometimes great sorrow.

If you want to talk you know where I am. And I will listen.
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From:beowabbit
Date:January 20th, 2003 08:13 am (UTC)
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Realistically, no one is ever going to pay me to write programs.

Well, realistically, in this economy, you're not going to compete directly with all the laid-off dot-commers looking for programming jobs. However, you have an interest in programming and other skills. That means there are jobs that are open to you that are not open to somebody who is just a programmer, or just a game designer, or just an editor. And probably a job that played to more of your skills and interests would be more fun than a job that played to just some of them.

And no one is ever going to pay me to write articles about writing programs.

I dunno about that. Here's a random idea: Take Javascript (or - ick! - VBscript), or some other platform that's either pretty much ubiquitous or free and extremely easy to download and install. Write a column on using it to build games (along the lines of an implementation of Boggle or minesweeper or word-search puzzles). Aim it at game magazines, not at computer magazines, and see what happens.

(Disclaimer - I'm sure you know that market a lot better than I do. This is just off the top of my head. The real point is that by combining your talents, you can come up with some things that few other people can do as well as you can.)

[User Picture]
From:cthulhia
Date:January 20th, 2003 12:00 pm (UTC)

???

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Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Why the hell do I write in this thing? The only thing this is accomplishing is trying to get some pity from people. Look at me, pity me, my life is so horrible. Pointless. I should just go to bed, but I'm not tired, and I really should do something to make me feel better about myself. It's just amazing how much of my ego was tied up with not being single. Jesus, I'm turing into Julia. That must mean it really is time to log off. (No offense Julia, really. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm gaining a new perspective on things you've said. Hey, look at me, I'm an idiot who hardly ever realizes that he can be wrong.)

please explain how is this like me.
[User Picture]
From:queue
Date:January 20th, 2003 01:27 pm (UTC)

Re: ???

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You've been known to complain that your life would be better if only you were not single, if only there were someone who found you worth being with. And, when you've said things like that, I always thought "Well, my life is fine, and, really, it has nothing to do with not being single. My life would be just as fine if I were single." Well, I'm finding out that that's not as true as I thought it was, so, I have a lot more sympathy now for things you've said in the past.
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