Really, I'm such an idiot.
And Arisia was okay until the end. I did something like 10 hours of game demos for Looney Labs games on Saturday. I got some people playing games who had never played any Looney games before, and I think I even got a new person for MLGN. We'll see next month, I guess. Then things got fucked up Saturday night, with the end result being me not staying over Saturday night like I had planned, and so not coming back on Sunday. Caught the last Orange Line train home, walked from Malden Center. I saw a time-and-temperature sign that said 12 degrees. Luckily, it's only a half-hour walk. Got home around 2, went to bed at 3. Got a call at 2:30; apparently I had left my copy of Playing with Pyramids there. And, as I found out this evening, I left the AOL tins that I painted there. Bah. Someone probably threw them out, since they still smelled like paint, which is why I didn't give them out, which is why I left them sitting under one of the tables there.
My was to do whatever today, and then get up and be productive tomorrow. So, I watched a movie and played a few games today. I even managed to put away all of the stuff I brought to Arisia, so my room is in the same state it was Friday, which is a good thing. Still, I'm in a crappy mood, probably due in large part to my being tired. It's probably also due in some part to my being single, which I think I'm having a harder time adjusting to than I had originally thought I would. And it doesn't help that the response to my storytelling night has been underwhelming. I mean, yeah, I'm sure I'll still have a good time. I just wish more people would have been able to make it. And Wednesday is my brother's birthday. He would have been 28. Let's see, what else do I have to gripe about? Oh yeah, my freelance writing instructor said that, since I like editing better than writing (which I said in my introductory email), I'd probably be better off keeping my day job and focusing on freelance editing, with maybe a little freelance writing. Everyone else in the class, she seems happy to help them write. I kind of felt like I was just sort of tossed aside. Not literally, of course, since I did sign up for the class. But, still, I can't help feeling that I won't get as much out of this as other people. And maybe that's fine. Maybe that's the way it would have to work, since I really am more of an editor than a writer. But it just didn't feel good to have my first impression of the class be a demotivational one. And then there's the question of how I'm going to pay my mortgage. Really, getting a roommate would be the easiest thing. But I can't really do anything about that until the current other occupant moves out, and I have no idea when that's happening. I'm also just not thrilled about the idea of living with anyone else, particularly someone I don't know. And the only good freelance lead I've found so far requires me to mail my resume hard copy (they said email, mail, or fax, but they didn't give an email address), and the stupid printer is out of black ink, and I really don't want to print it out at work. I suppose it might make me feel a little more productive tomorrow if I get off my ass and go pick up a new cartridge, assuming the stores are open. So, there's the question of what to do tomorrow. I could do some programming, which is what I was originally planning on doing. But, really, how productive is that? It's not leading me towards making any money. Realistically, no one is ever going to pay me to write programs. And no one is ever going to pay me to write articles about writing programs. So, programming ceases to be productive. Can I do anything that doesn't lead to me making enough money to live and still call it productive? Maybe I should just sell the house and find some place else to live. I could live for a lot cheaper. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Why the hell do I write in this thing? The only thing this is accomplishing is trying to get some pity from people. Look at me, pity me, my life is so horrible. Pointless. I should just go to bed, but I'm not tired, and I really should do something to make me feel better about myself. It's just amazing how much of my ego was tied up with not being single. Jesus, I'm turing into Julia. That must mean it really is time to log off. (No offense Julia, really. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm gaining a new perspective on things you've said. Hey, look at me, I'm an idiot who hardly ever realizes that he can be wrong.)